


Fuck's Sake, Kid

by Princex_N



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hair Braiding, Hair Brushing, Merle is the Dad Friend, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:05:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8391916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: Merle finds out that Taako doesn't brush his hair, and decides to do something about it.





	

The moment that Merle realizes that Taako doesn't brush his hair, the dwarf loses his shit. 

Taako, frankly, doesn't really understand it. In his opinion, as long as his hair looks good in the end, it doesn't matter if he brushes it or not. There's no reason to do it. All it does is waste time that Taako doesn't really have, so honestly, what's even the point?

Taako doesn't know, but Merle apparently does. 

"I'm older than you, that means you have to do what I say, and I say come with me." 

Taako doesn't actually know what their age difference is, but he's not particularly busy, and as long as Merle isn't going to make Taako do the work, he doesn't particularly give a shit. 

"I mean, alright." He says easily, passively following the dwarf into his room. "What's the point though?"

"Your hair is going to mat like a fucking dog's." Merle swears, tugging Taako's arm until the elf sits down on the floor, and then walking off to go find something. "For someone who cares as much about his appearance as you do, I would have thought that you'd be the type to actually take care of what you've got." 

Taako starts to levitate once Merle turns his back, just to be contrary. He remembers matted hair, and he doesn't let it get that bad anymore. Most of the time, at least. 

Merle scowls when he returns, brush in hand and several hair ties wrapped around his wrist. Taako smirks down at him, but sinks back to the floor obligingly. The second he's in reach, Merle goes to work. 

It's just as much of a pain as Taako knew it would be. It hurts, but whenever he complains Merle just tells him that it's his fault and that he should have thought about this earlier, which Taako, frankly, doesn't appreciate. But other than these brief exchanges, there isn't much conversation, just the repetitive sound of Merle pulling the brush through Taako's hair and occasionally muttering angrily to himself when he stumbles upon a particularly stubborn knot. 

Taako can't remember if anyone has ever done this for him before. He thinks that he kind of likes it.

He's jolted out of the calm stupor he'd fallen into when Merle suddenly reaches down and grabs his hand, raising it up to touch his own hair. Taako runs his fingers though it, and it's smooth and softer than it's felt in a while. 

"That's how your hair should always feel." Merle tells him, like he's explaining something to a small child, and Taako doesn't even have the time to think of a response before Merle is pushing his hand out of the way and beginning some other process. 

Taako's not really expecting much out of this part. Brushing hair is one thing, but styling it is something completely different, and whatever Merle is doing up there feels unnecessarily complicated. Taako can't really imagine it turning out that nice. He wonders if this is supposed to be some kind of bizarre punishment for not taking care of his hair himself. 

But surprise surprise, when Merle has finished, the dwarf hands Taako a small mirror, and when the elf takes a look a "holy fuck" slips out before he's able to stop it. 

His hair looks fucking hot. The braid that Merle has done is simple but fucking  _pretty_ , and Taako hadn't known that the man had it in him to pull off something like this. 

Taako hadn't really associated Merle with hair styling, but he supposes that you learn something new every day.

"Can't get a look like this unless you actually brush that hair." Merle says, smugly. 

"Well I've gotta say, I'm impressed, old man." Taako says, standing up and giving him back the mirror, and then goes throughout his day with a fucking bitching hairstyle. 

All in all, Taako knows that the entire situation was probably Merle's way of trying to inspire Taako into putting more effort into taking care of his hair. Instead, Taako keeps the braid in for as long as he can, and refuses to touch it at all.

When Merle finds out about  _this_ , he utilizes some hidden stealth skill to sneak up on Taako and take out the braid, then demanding that Taako take another shower and actually wash his hair this time.

The moment he steps out, Merle swoops in again, wrestling Taako to the ground and setting to work.

This happens several more times before becoming a sort of routine. In the mornings, Merle hunts down Taako and does his hair. Taako finds the whole situation hilariously sweet and also fucking rad, because he puts in no work and still gets a hella good look every morning. 

"Don't you think it's a little rude though?" Killian asks one day, and at the affronted noise that Taako makes, she continues, "I mean like. You make him do your hair every day. Just because you don't. I mean like, have you ever asked if he even  _wants_ to do it?" 

And of course Taako hasn't. Because he doesn't like to concern himself with shit like that, in his opinion, if Merle doesn't want to do it, then he shouldn't. That's something that Merle has to work out for himself, Taako doesn't have any sort of say in that journey of self discovery. 

At the same time, now he's pissed off because he doesn't want Merle to turn this around on him some day. 'Look at what I did for you, so what are you going to do for me?', Taako's dealt with that enough in his life, thanks very much, and he's not about to pull a repeat performance. 

So the next day, Taako digs his brush out from under his bed and pulls his hair up into a bun before he goes out. 

Later at the dining hall, Merle shows up with his brush in hand, and Taako would have sworn that the dwarf looks disappointed to see that Taako's hair is already done. 

It's one of the weirder experiences that Taako has had in his life. 

Later still, Taako goes to find him pouting on a couch somewhere, and Taako drapes himself over the back of the sofa and asks, "What do you even get out of this?" 

Merle, after trying and failing to act as if he wasn't startled, scowls. "It's just something to pass the time." He says, defensively, but Taako's gotten pretty good at reading people over the years, and he knows what those averted eyes mean. 

So he walks around to the front of the couch and plops down on the ground in front of Merle, his back to the dwarf. "Do my hair." He says plainly, "It takes too much work for me to do it myself." 

There's a pause, and then Merle is pulling the hair tie out of Taako's hair and starting to divide it up into sections for the braid. 

The way things are going, Taako's never going to do his own hair ever again. 

It's a good thing he's sure as shit not going to be complaining about it. 

**Author's Note:**

> i headcanon that taako cares about his appearance (most of the time) but is too lazy to do more than the minimum. though, as someone whose frequent hairstyle is "bedhead", maybe I shouldn't really be talking lmao  
> UPDATE: [prinxe on tumblr drew fanart](http://prinxe.tumblr.com/post/152582345331/princex-n-wrote-a-really-good-fanfic-and-then-i) for this fic and i'm dying. it's so good. 
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


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